As told by Anon Transcribed by Keisha Mitchell
I’ve always loved my Wife. I’ve never even thought about doing anything else but loving her since the day we met. Sure, like any American male I’ve fantasized about a three- some or two. I presumed perhaps when we’re older, and slowing down we’ll welcome a nice young lady to light up our lives and our bedroom. Boy was my timeline off, and I’m so grateful that it was.
In 2017, I landed a job at a local youth center and found myself instantly attracted to my Supervisor. Her name was *Janice and yes, she was beautiful but even better than that she was cool. There was a seemingly seamless organic chemistry between us that I found irresistible as time went on. It was revealed to Janice and I shortly after we began working together that our connection was more real than we had previously suspected because she was close friends with my Wife a few years prior, and they had recently reconnected in an African dance class that my Wife enrolled in...small world right?
Time passed and my attraction for Janice grew. Our time spent kicking it also grew and I found myself missing her when she wasn’t there. To parallel, my Wife and Janice had instantly fell back into their native groove as Friends after being reunited and my Wife was finding an awakening of her own; many of our mornings and evening conversations started to share the running themes of polyamory, traditional forms of commu- nity building within the African context as well as African forms of spirituality. She was opening herself up to concepts and ways of life I may not have even throughly considered and I was there to support and walk with her wherever she chose to go.
One day, while the three of us were at our home, casual conversation had led Janice to mention she wouldn’t mind becoming a Sister Wife...or something similar in nature. To all of our surprise, my Wife took the plunge and asked Janice to join our relationship and be our Girlfriend. An offer made in good faith and with the purest of intentions.
Like all couples our “honeymoon” phase was awesome. Everything blossomed when we would get together and we even began running a business venture together as a trio. Sooner than later however, the inevitable introduction of our more fixed personality traits and more latent insecurities came to join the party. I felt a very real shift soon after my first shared sexual encounter with Janice. The things that made me (the Me she had been introduced, the Me she had spent countless hours with prior to our relationship, and the Me she knew as Husband to our Friend, my Wife) seemed to start to bother her. She seemed to grow increasingly agitated or combustible and I was starting to appreciate her presence less as an emotional response.
There was also the issue of Love. I had Love for Janice, I loved who she was to the world and who she had be- come to us. I loved her thoughts and ideas, and originally loved her energy, but I’m IN Love with my Wife. I crave and lust for my Wife. As a heterosexual male , I love to have sex, but I have a spiritual desire and physical need to make LOVE to my Spouse. This bothered Janice. She was aware during sex, no matter what efforts I may have tried, in the difference of devotion and it corroded her sense of security within our arrangement. Eventually, Janice decided she was happier as our Friend. We were saddened to see her go, but found the strangest blessing In the gift of her presence. The farther away Janice got from us emotionally, the closer my Wife and I became. The more Janice and I would disagree or even argue, the clearer my communication got with my Wife and my ability to not only feel heard and understood by her, but to listen and receive guidance and advice from grew. The more distant Janice and I grew sexually, the closer I clung to my Wife. By the time of Janice’s departure we were and remain stronger than I could have fathomed at the beginning of our adventure.
I’m so blessed I didn’t have to wait till we were old and gray to have the revelation of how right my Wife is for me. While I wouldn’t recommend every Man try to juggle the wants and desires of more than one Woman simultaneously, I do recommend trusting yourself and your significant other enough to be open and honest about where your desires lie. Janice taught me there’s incred- ible value in every encounter and supreme salvation
in every shared truth, no matter how hard they might be to hear or face. Without her, I’m not sure how long it would’ve taken me to see my Wife as I see her now, all I know is I’m eternally grateful to her for helping me better adjust my sight.