I Shared My Husband With Another Woman
Shared by Anonmyous, Transcribed by Keisha Mitchell
In the Spring of 2017 I found myself searching. It wasn’t that I felt a particular lack of anything; My Husband was loyal, healthy and happy. My income was as secure as any early twenty something could hope for, I had a secure shelter that I could sustain and my life was own. Rather than filling a lack, I now realize I was trying to share the surplus of Love I felt I had been blessed with. Like any subconscious desire, my deep seated need to give presented itself to me in a variety of ways until I was willing to yield. My daily diet consisted of consuming podcasts, articles, and media about Polyandry, polygamy, and nation building. I found myself research- ing different communal structures, and Ancient African traditions of matrimony and self-sustainability. I had an incessant self-dialogue that was whispering suggestions of welcoming the catharsis and education a new experience could bring. I was ready for some thing different. I was ready to learn more. At the same time that I became aware of my sense of self-starting to shift,
the Universe saw fit to place an old friend back into my reality.
*Janice was a plutonic Friend in my life who I hadn’t spoken to in quite a while. Much to my surprise, I initially ran into her when she became my Husbands’ Supervisor. They had a great natural chemistry and what seemed to be a genuine appreciation for one anothers’ person. As fate would have it, she was pulled even closer to me when we found ourselves to be peers in an Afrodance class I joined. *Janice and I had both grown as Women since our last time being acquainted. She was sweet, and it was a smooth friendship that naturally blossomed. Our conversations would range from spirituality to nutrition and wellness and beyond. *Janice was recently free of a relationship and found herself readjusting and relearning aspects of herself much like myself, though I was in love and very happy with my Husband. One day while the three of us were lounging around my Husband and I’s apartment, My Husband mentioned that *Janice had passively dropped a line after work about “How interesting it would be to have a Sister Wife...or
something like that.”
*Janice had passively dropped a line after work about “How interesting it would be to have a Sister Wife...or something like that.”
For me, I sensed a present opportunity for healing with somebody I trusted. She had, at the time, cemented herself as one of my Best Friends. I admittedly saw a perfect fit and impetus in Janice for me to deal with insecurities I had around sexuality, opening my heart, and loving deeper (and in a more profound way than just physical intimacy). I saw the addition of *Janice into my union with my Husband as opening myself up to a new interpretation of community. The next time we were all together, with bated breath, and a lit- tle bit of anxiety....I suggested converting my Husband and I’s rela- tionship duo into into a relationship threesome, Needless to say the proposal was a little shocking but well received. Even though I was the catalysts for our coupling, I was pleased and honored when everyone’s main concern was my comfort with the circumstances. In the end, though our intentions were noble, the lifespan of our trifecta was short lived. True to human nature, there were natural and inevitable breakdowns in communication as well as varying consistencies of interest and commitment to our established boundaries. There were a lot of emotions inside the entire experience. There was the conversion of a Friend into a Lover into a
Partner within a union that was already evenly yoked. There was also the issue of multilevel compatibilities in style of compan- ionship that can feel much more like a juggle than a jump rope when multiple love languages are involved. However, one of the most damaging yet redeeming aspects of the entire experience was the element of distance. There was a palpable distance that formed between my Husband and *Janice as well as an equally palpable and even distance in between *Janice and Myselfs’ relationships. What grew closer in the end, was the incredible magnetism and loyalty between my Husband and I in the mist of our trios’ dissolution. I’m always asked what I gained from that time in my life or what words of wisdom I would give to others considering
similar scenarios. Though *Janice had been present in our lives for only a few months, We left each other with an education that I’m eternally grateful for. I learned a lot about relationships. I learned that you must learn people and their stories before you enter a physical union with them. Sex is where much of the attachment lives. I learned that you must find stillness in your pain and find clarity through the cloudiness of yours and others’ emotions. I learned relationships are not designed to offer you internal happiness, rather they’re designed to amplify and reflect the happy you already possess, and not being honest with your - self leads to a quicker manifestation of your fears. I learned more about my Husband than I had previously knew there was to know. I learned that he is a better listener and more aware of people’s needs and emotions than I had given him credit for. I learned in action how he would put me before himself at every turn. I learned the value of giving my partner the space and security to make independent
decisions without the fear of disappointing me. I learned the most about myself. I learned the ways in which I used control to feel better about my own short-
comings. About how I had an inclination to use victimization as a means of manipulation. I learned there will always be a unique combination of things that will come up for you to face. You can either work through them, or you can take a bumpier road. But most importantly I learned to love on
yourself, there is no perfect way but you’re way will be what’s perfect for you.